ornransom

Tonight we received a call from my father in law's wife about him. It looks like he has about a week or so to live... who knows for sure...

However I feel like he is going to die this week. He is not eating and well the hospice care facility indicated due to coloring and lack of appetite that its close.

I just want his passing to be quick, and let him fade without pain.

He said good bye to me that last time I saw him about a week or so ago.

He told me to take care of his girls, he hugged me told me he loved me.

I think then he knew.

Part of disconnecting from the pop cultural is to understand that 911 tapes released about dead celebrities is just wrong... and morbid. People are fascinated by the oddest things... and yet we can't see boobies on YouTube... weird.

You can watch a man blow his head off and hear cuss words but can't see a woman's breast ... odd.

http://www.neilgaiman.com/p/Cool_Stuff/Short_Stories/I_Cthulhu

Damn Neil is nearly as cool as they get...

This has been a rough year. It started poorly. It has had a few ok spots... but generally it has been rough.

My father in law is passing. As I type, the cancer is slowly eating at way at him. Well maybe slowly isn't the word. Death and I are rather blaze' in general. I fear it not. I'm not seeking it nor do I look forward to it, but I don't sweat it. I just don't like to witness human suffering. The degree at which my F-I-L is suffering is inhuman.

I've held together so far okay. Today ain't that day though. and now I just don't know what else to post...

miserable.

I now work, at least still work for the Knowledge Information Bureau. So far it is a very very part time, very low paying fun job that requires little effort for just extra scratch. The pay is roughly what 27 hours a month and you make like 100 bucks or so. Its paid per text, 10 cents or 5 cents. Obviously the high pay is for original responses and 5 cents for pre-used responses. So the concept of the KGB is a text us anything question service. Last night was my first night. It was hard at first, but tonight I think I'm better prepared. So we shall see... ck it out.

text: 542542 (kgbkgb) its 99 cents per text though, but you literally can ask ANYTHING, and I do mean ANYTHING, I've been amazed so far by some of the questions. It should be interesting to say the least.

http://www.codaautomotive.com/#/practical

DUMB DUMB DUMB, FUCKING dumb!

Why oh why do car makers seem to think electric cars are the wave of the future?

With a 90-120 mile range, plugs into any standard outlet. WTF? "90-120" are they serious? They say this is good for 94% of all trips. If I buy a car like this at $45,000 DOLLARS (thats right folks- 45K), even with a 7,500 tax credit and savings on gas... I will absolutely have to have a secondary car, or a contingent rental car for long trips. I can't get to Austin TX, on 90 miles, I can get close... but with a variable degree of 30 miles, that's a lot. What if I can't find a place to plug in?

I applaud innovation, but smart innovation makes more since.

I'm all for coming up with better ideas. But creating an electric sedan doesn't seem to me to be the smart idea. This isn't the type of car most people are going to buy for their family, it doesn't serve a total car function for a family. This is a commuter car. Now if it was a LOT smaller, cost oh lets say how about 1/3 of the cost, maybe. However at 15K, that's still not very smart.

So I'm stuck. I was clearly on a path with my story and I had a lot of it planned out, I knew the direction I was taking it in and I was very happy with my progress. I wanted to have it finished by the end of the year and thought this was a realistic goal. I took my english class this semester and I was allowed to submit all writings for that class from my book. So I wrote 2 short stories, both turned out well, I was able to write a 2 scene 1 act play as well. My classmates which made up a decent broad demographic tested poorly for my main character. Now I know this isn't a true sampling, but it does give me insight. I've learned that I need to feel my characters out a lot more. I need to feel my story out more and that people don't get Amardad, and identify with Lisa my tragic supporting character more. So I tried re-writing it. I'm a decent way through it, changing the continuity and fixing details and I'm just struck with the overwhelming idea, that it just simply sucks.

I've lost my love for it at this point. I'm doubting it, frustrated with it. The idea of shit-canning it and then rewriting it from the ground up is an option. I could continue without the re-write in my original direction or I can pick up any number of 2-3 dozen Ideas I have for another book. I want to write a book, I want it to be marketable because I want it to be publishable.

So I'm at a loss of what to do. Ideas anybody? I'd love to hear from a lot of people who read my blog. Even if you don't know much or if any about my story.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-13579_3-10249202-37.html?part=rss&subj=news&tag=2547-1_3-0-5

To me this is good news. Not that I have an objection for people making a profit. However, what Psystar is trying to do is force Apple to sell their operating system so it can be installed on any machine, which is absurd. Fact is that to buy a Mac, you are buying a computer-hardware and software all together. Now the suit Psystar brought against Mac, was even more absurd, claiming anti trust violations.

All in all, it seems like to me they are more interested in making money from the suit, then providing a product. They also refuse to release their sales numbers. The whole thing seems fishy and has been fishy to me since I first read about them even offering them.

As a side note: the BBB issued to them their LOWEST rating - "F", which I also find strong suspect.

Some conspiracy theorist think that a major computer manufacture is behind them financially. Possible, but I don't think that has TOO much baring on the case.

http://www.appleinsider.com/articles/09/05/15/apple_fires_its_return_salvo_as_microsoft_issues_misleading_5th_ad.html

I find this funny. In the ad, they show the person buying a laptop but settles on a PC because its SO much cheaper but the one they compare it to, is a Macbook pro, and the computer they end up buying is a much much much lower powered computer for $971 bucks.

Now Mac does have an entry level basic macbook for $999, and with a student discount, even cheaper.

Soooooooooooooooooo once again, Windows is using misleading tactics...

Now what I really find interesting is, she wants a laptop, that is under 1700 bucks, light weight with good battery life. The Macbook Air, falls nicely into this category. Honestly if she is a law student there might be other reason to NOT get a Mac. Because it might not be compatible with software she might be required to use, but they never address those. Although, I use my Macbook, with no problems. and I'm a student.

Buying a computer is not simple, if you need it to do basic things and you don't want to pay a huge price tag, get a PC. A MAC is going to have more preloaded software. It will work better, because it has superior equipment. Also I doubt a $899 dollar PC, is going to run Vista with a decent experience.

They also don't show her later on, frustrated with Vista. The only people I know who like Vista, have beefy high powered machines.

Marketing guys are funny, and the sad thing is, some people won't buy a Mac, because of an ad like this.

http://thecrystalmethod.com/

Don't know how long this will be up there... but, on Amazon Digital MP3 downloads Crystal Method's new release is $2.99 and so far worth all 3 bucks.

I have to say I dig the digital age. This rocks.

I have successfully obtained an "A" in English. I feel I'm happy now.

ROCK THE FUCK ON!!!!!!

Woot!

Woot!

http://wednesday-fic.livejournal.com/

Very cool!

I recognize a certain leaning at times towards dramatic within my personality, I try to keep it down.

I'm pretty calm usually too, but I have my work up or hot points too.

I tend to think of myself as a strong man. Stable most of the time, tepid generally. I'm not squeamish...

Something changed that last night, I wish i understood fully what happened.

In my Abnormal Psych class fellow students did a presentation on suicide. Part of the Suicide presentation we watched various videos. One was of Budd Dwyer who committed suicide on air live during a press conference. This clip is available all over the internet the one I have linked at below. I'm not going to watch again but I believe its the right one.

DON'T watch it unless you want to see a man blow his head off.

I was confused it how easily available this clip is, but yet you can't see boobies on Youtube :), funny huhn?

Anyway, we were told to leave the room if we needed, I didn't in fact out of 13 students only 1 left. I watched I guess out of morbid curiosity and again I wish I hadn't. So I watched it, and it took my breath away, and fucked me up. I'm just not sure why this of all the things i've seen on the internet is what messed me up, why this, why so much.

Maybe it was too real, too connected, too close to home.

Maybe it was to close to the death of Elaine (today being the day).

Maybe I've just known too many who have done it.

I'm not sure.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budd_Dwyer
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6686827830708949101 - Live Suicide, don't watch

http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1882988,00.html?cnn=yes

So the outward appearance of this article is about Amazon marketing eBooks to iPod Phone/Touch customers, but that is not the scary part.

The last paragraph or so of the article indicates that most people under 30 don't read and have been raised on computers.

Okay so I'm 38, my wife is 31. Neither of us was raised on computers. I know we aren't under "thirty" but I have plenty of friends from 20-30 who are readers.

So if this is indeed true, its scary to think a very rooted part of our culture is being lost. Reading books in any form, either through paper or electronic medium should be something everybody does. This syncs us with our past, as our forefathers never had TV, Nintendo or even a normal supply of music unless it was being played live. So my question really is, how did this happen?

I'm raising a 10 year old child who is an avid reader. I've many friends who encourage their children to read, is reading becoming a lost past time?

Cyberpunk world here we come...

Scary.

I'm just so frustrated.

does it ever get any easier?

maybe?

just a bit?

is it now a good time?

So I just rated my family against the national average for carbon foot print emissions per year and we rock!

The average person per household is a little over 20K per year.

My family, the 3 of us is basically 28K per year, total or 9500 per person... half less than average. I know we can improve but I think its something to be groovy about!

So today is my eight year anniversary. O and I tied the knot at 6 PM today. Our marriage has not been all bliss, as any marriage usually aint. I don't regret marrying her, I'm happy. I've changed a lot in the last 8 years and so has she. We have had the fortune to grow together. Our marriage has brought us closer. We are strong as a family, as lovers and as people.

Below is a poem I wrote for O a while ago. It seems appropriate today.

All Of You

The spoken word invoked has no brilliance next to your presence

In literary works of majestic fantasy no imagination shines in contrast

Poetic riffin’ carried on beaten rhythms fall deaf like the violent provocation

The memory moons mesmerizing meanders in neurons on your vision

No words works willingly will weigh in equal to my love

I know no boundaries bound in bondage, that blaze braver than my adoration

Gods of time together in line abound in signs that you are mine

I sucked the essence of its effervescence, impassioned on its reverence

Expanded beyond the expansion of song, synaptic in long I am for you

You are my east west and south, for north forward I steady the rudder

Sped in lust for the must of your crush, I am but a bust in the hush

You may only be my one, but forever I reach with all upwards to you tugged

Can I nay do no different in sustenance of my soul its choice are limited

I am inducing that you are beginning to deducing

I am not reducing my love for you

Perhaps now as I shout up and growl

Do you perceive no scowl that I am yours

No young or old nor wiser or torn, I am sworn as I am born to whom you are

Above these digital impressions I hope you heed the suggestion

As they are meant to jog your perception

That I am forlorn if you believe, that even for a second

That I am not totally, completely, utterly, desperately,

Passionately, and romantically in love with

All of you

http://www.jacksonpollock.org

check it. neat site